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Joke of the Day

"LIKE if you've already broke one of your New Year's Resolutions."

"Are you sitting down? I don't have anything to tell you, I'm just curious."

"Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime... Balloon prices are going to go sky high."

"I need a backspace key for my mouth"

"Secret agents asking citizens to please speak more clearly in all phone calls. Also, cut the chitchat and get to the good stuff, they ask."

"That awkward moment when you run into your old pizza guy and you're with your new much younger pizza guy."

"It's ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days I know he's a priest but he's not going to do anything out in public"

"It's pancake day already? That sure creped up fast."

"The Bible wouldn't sound so preachy if every commandment was followed by the word ""dude."""

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was inventing single-ply toilet paper."