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Joke of the Day

"What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad? POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!"

"Things safer than flying Malaysia Airlines: -Badger juggling -Heroin enemas -Grenade soup -Live cobra condoms -Roman candle tampons -Ebola"

"What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch."

"Worst profession for take your kid to work day: Suicide Bomber"

"I love that we're a nation of diversity: a black president, a white vice president, and an orange speaker of the house. #SOTU"

"What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails? Snout about!"

"I tried giving my cat a bath... but I keep getting hair in my mouth"

"What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table? I don't knead you anymore."

"I always wondered why cross eyed people never get hit crossing the road. Then it hit me. They are always looking both ways."

"The best thing for a hangover is to drink excessively the night before. Not sure why you'd want one, though."