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Joke of the Day

"If you watch the way that many motorists drive you will soon reach the conclusion that the most dangerous part of a car is the nut behind the wheel."

"Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this."

"So, two neutrinos walk through a bar..."

"PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision. Usually, it's a rip-off."

"Whoa. Wait a minute. So those stick figures on your car aren't for pedestrians you ran over? Damn it! *starts scraping off her stickers*"

"In general, girls don't like to be described as ""beefy"". Even if you love beef."

"Using zero-ply toilet paper, aka the cardboard tube"

"*caterpillar looks up at sky* ""My dream is to fly a plane one day."" Other Caterpillar: You don't pay any attention in science class, do you?"

"Not now, kids. Mommy's boiling the Easter bunny."

"If a candidate takes Virginia.. it will make his caucus hard."