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Joke of the Day

"What is the definition of ""indefinitely""? When your balls slap your girlfriend's ass, you know you're in definitely."

"[ouija board] ""Spirits are u there? I A M H E R E. Y O U W A N N A T A L K? Y O U W A N N A H A N G O U T? [squints] ""A needy board?"""

"My safe word is ""insufficient funds""."

"According to the bible, women's first mistake was listening to the devil. Man's first mistake was listening to the woman."

"I love my lungs... ...they have a place very close to my heart."

"Dating tip: Don't offer to pay. It's a sign of weakness. Build trust through mutual agreement to steal. No one suspects the ""happy couple."""

"So I heard Donald Trump is running for president again. You guys know that if he wins, we'll all be f****d, right? That's right. Fired. ;)"

"Q: Why don't you wear snow boots? A: Because they'll melt."

"If your tweet says ""I'm at a bar getting drunk again"" with ""via web"" below it, what do you think are the chances I'm going to believe you?"

"Why did the billionaire keep winning at Poker? He played his Trump card."