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Joke of the Day

"If your tweet says ""I'm at a bar getting drunk again"" with ""via web"" below it, what do you think are the chances I'm going to believe you?"

"What would Fred Flintstone say if you asked him which city had the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world? Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!"

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day... Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track."

"What is your favorite ""My dick is so big.."" joke? Mine is, ""My dick is so big that, at the movie theater, popcorn comes in small, medium, large and my dick."""

"Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*"

"What do you call someone who crashes flying dinosaurs into buildings? A pterrorist"

"19 and 20 got into a fight 21"

"Whats the most unlikely line to read in the bible ? The characters in this book are entirely fictional."

"At my age getting lucky means having the house to myself"