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Joke of the Day

"Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts? Because they all had a tare ^^^I'llseemyselfout"

"I got stung by an applebee and now I'm going into bananaphylactic shock."

"The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street."

"Two guys are watching a dog lick its privates. One guy chuckles and says, ""I wish I could do that."" The other guy says, ""Pet him, maybe he'll let you."" An oldie, but I always liked it."

"I'm most productive at work when I'm in the bathroom. It's where I get shit done."

"I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving."

"Why did Jesus walk on water? Because niggas can't swim"

"One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol."

"Hubby's head seems like it's almost twice the size of mine. We are never having children."

"If you had to choose between your local WNBA team winning the finals and receiving $5..... What would you spend your $5 on?"