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Joke of the Day

"ME: I got pizza sauce on my mouse. I need a new one. IT DEPARTMENT: You should just be able to wipe it off. ME: Too late, I ate it."

"Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor ""Have you ever turned down heroin?"" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers."

"Thanks God for Fast food! Lucky for us we do not have to hunt our own food, because I don't have the slightest idea where the hot dogs live."

"Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother."

"I am giving up eating red meats. I'm going cold turkey."

"Cosmo says ""untamed va-jay-jays"" are back in style. Can't they call them car wash mitts like the rest of us?"

"How is having a new dishwasher at a kitchen job like being in the Matrix? There is no spoon."

"Q: What do you get if you cross the atlantic with the titanic? A: About halfway."

"Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*"

"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"