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Joke of the Day

"The pun-ishment of notes When notes get in treble, bass-ically they get put behind bars. The alto-nate punishment is to push them off a clef and hope they land flat on sharp objects."

"Just bought Colgate mouthwash 'cause it builds stronger gums and someday my gums might have to lift a car off a baby."

"Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks. It was the 2nd grossest taste I've ever had in my mouth. (No offense, Andrea.)"

"The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a ""cooter"" you're fired for life."

"Deceitful atoms.. Never trust an atom... They make up everything."

"I am starting a sanctuary for oversized marine mammals. It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees."

"What happened when Curiosity took Accusation out on a date? She aroused suspicion."

"Today's life lesson: ""I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."""

"Did you hear about the kid who brought a home made watch to school? He had a real bad time..."

"Q: What do you call a dead magician's assistant? A: An abracadaver."