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Joke of the Day

"Today's life lesson: ""I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing them off is a piece of cake."""

"If seagulls fly over the sea,what flies over the bay? Bagels. Ha."

"Women are like hand grenades If you take off the ring you lose your house and half your belongings"

"Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids? Because they must be able to ""dust for Prince"" I'll see myself out now"

"What's the worst thing to hear after you have sex with Steve Buscemi? ""I'm not Steve Buscemi."""

"Black people are way more susceptible to diabetes. That's not racist, it's a medical fact. Now if I said ""hide your wallets, there's diabetes patients around here,"" that would be racist."

"WAITER: How is everything? ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt"

"What does a belt like to do? Getting Waisted"

"What's the difference between Whose Line is it Anway and /r/jokes? On Whose Line is it Anyway, *everything* is made up."

"""Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!"" me, to the collection agency"