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Joke of the Day

"My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ's and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am."

"scarlet joe hanson sounds like an old timey boxer's name. ""weighin' in at 182 lbs, 5'9"", the ol' black widow, scarlet jooooooe hansen!"""

"If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, ""Quit while your ahead""?!"

"Who were the fastest readers of all time? The victims of 9/11. They went through over 87 stories in less than 2 1/2 minutes."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"I have the Heart of a Lion.... And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo..."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger with a cabbage? A: Man-eating coleslaw."

"What do you call a cunt squared? A box."

"What did the sea monster have for dinner? Fish and ships."

"Scientists just discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... it's called 'wedding cake'"