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Joke of the Day

"I have the Heart of a Lion.... And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo..."

"What's the difference between a van and a minivan? A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids"

"Why are men better cooks than women? Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months."

"My mother said today, ""I'm always alright as long as I'm taking that D."" She was referring to vitamin D."

"So it turns out the son of a preacherman just had really long arms"

"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was. Then it dawned on me."

"That mini heart attack you have when you're in bed half asleep and you suddenly feel like you're falling."

"If life had a 'CTRL + ALT + DEL' option, you bet your ass I'd be hitting that thing about 14 times a day."

"Q: Why did the condom fly across the room? A: It was pissed off."

"How do you know the blind exist... if they've never been sighted?"