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Joke of the Day

"My 1 yr old only says the words ""no,"" ""mine,"" and ""bye"" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need."

"What would you call Hitler if he had a child? A DILF"

"I'm hungry A boy walks up to his dad. ""Dad I'm hungry."" ""Hi hungry!"" ""Dad I'm serious."" ""I'm sorry serious, I thought you were hungry."" The boy then dies of hunger."

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogey in it"

"They say religion is the opiate of the masses Makes sense, because when I go to church I nod off... (This is actually a joke I made up. Thought I'd share)"

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans."

"When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter."

"How do you know when your girlfriend is to young? When you have to make the aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth."

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down."

"This could be the Alcohol talking but.... OMG you guys! The ALCOHOL is TALKING!"