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Joke of the Day

"My 1 yr old only says the words ""no,"" ""mine,"" and ""bye"" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need."

"Why did Ernest Hemingway kill himself? He was paid per word."

"A pirate walks into a bar... With his ship's steering wheel on his dick. The bartender asks, ""Whats with the wheel on your john?"" the pirate replied, ""Arrg it's driving me nuts!"""

"Overheard my girlfriend discussing her heavy flow. That bitch never told me she could rap."

"To all my Atheist and Agnostic friends. T_IF!"

"How does the Pope get around New York City? Mass Transit!"

"Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election? Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him."

"How do you drown a blonde? Stick a scratch and sniff to the bottom of a pool."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane A pilot"

"Dad joke **Dad:** Whaddya got there son? **Son:** Soy milk. **Dad:** Hola milk, soy tu padre"