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Joke of the Day

"Neighbor: It's July, you need to take down the xmas lights. Me: It's no worse than your stupid yard gnome. Neighbor: That's my wife."

"Sending everyone soggy empty boxes this year with a note - Hope you enjoy this expensive ice sculpture made in your honor. #CheapChristmas"

"How did Hitler masturbate? Fureriously."

"Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding? It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo."

"What does my calendar look like? Let me check. It has a bunch of fucking numbers on it and no space for you."

"Did you hear the one about the guy who got his left side cut off? He's all right now."

"If black people have the race card, women have the gender card, what do rednecks have? The Trump card."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth?? A gummy bear!!!"

"I was going to make a joke about a carp that had hands But it was too metacarpal."

"He who hesitates is boss."