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Joke of the Day

"A secretary asks a favour of her boss. She asks ""can I borrow your Dictaphone?"" ""CERTAINLY NOT!"" he replies indignantly... ""You can use your mobile like everyone else!"""

"I found my first grey pube today. It put me right off my kebab."

"My Dad never loved me as a child I should have worn more provocative clothing."

"Why did the 80-year-old man call his dick Jesus? It takes 3 days for it to rise again."

"I was arrested for stealing shoes... I just wanted to pay less at Payless!"

"""You're just not my cup of tea"" I say to someone else's cup of tea."

"Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.."

"Overheard this at Grand Canyon. ""Why do they put chicken wire around these plants? Other guy:"" To protect the chicken plants"""

"So a DBA walks into a NOSQL bar... but immediately leaves because he couldn't find a table"

"Why is the hipster sweating? Because he wore a scarf before it was cool."