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Joke of the Day

"Girl asked me to rate a girl out of 10. I said, you a 14 cause you so basic."

"Did you hear about the Crucifixion victims? They're screwed up."

"So I went to the doctor, and he told me to stop masturbating. ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"I named my first dog ""What"". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked ""What is the name of your first pet?"" and I kept answering ""Yes."""

"First take an ass and put another ass behind it. Then I come. Then the whole nation comes after me.... That is how you spell assassination"

"A friend walked up to me while I was playing guitar and said ""Sick strat, bro"" I said ""Did you just assume my fender? you bigot?"""

"POKER ANIMALS Q: What animal should you never play cards with? A: A cheetah!"

"Drunk girls really seem to enjoy dancing on top of things."

"If bars can say no to drunk people why won't McDonalds say no to fat people?"

"(Adobe CEO's house) Like the new couch hun? Update it. What about the wallpap... UPDATE IT ALL. You're scaring the ki... UPDATE THEM TOO..."