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Joke of the Day

"Why do ducks look so sad? Because when they preen their feathers, they look down in the mouth."

"Cop: ""Did you kill this man?"" Me: ""No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."""

"Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists."

"If you set sail from Los Angeles, CA to Barrow, AK, what would your bering be? Strait"

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change."

"To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird or plane... why the hell were you so excited?"

"I just paid 400 for a cup. What a mug."

"Sorry I painted a hat on your head while you were sleeping, but I can't knit."

"I have a ton of leftover horse. It turns out I'm not as hungry as I thought I was."

"What did one hand say to the other? ""Help, I think I'm in glove""."