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Joke of the Day

"What do you do if you're Fighting a group of circus performers? Go for the juggler"

"What does an LGBT orthodontist make most of his money off of ? bruces"

"Her: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. Me: You do realize I'm your boyfriend right?"

"What is the difference between me and my couch? My couch pulls outs"

"I'm a polymorphic alien... ...and I have taken shape of this text, and at this very moment I am having sex with your eyeballs and by the smile on your face I can tell that you are enjoying it :)"

"What do you call a masterbating zombie? A Deadbeat."

"boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar"

"What's worse than being 32 being turdy too"

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"What do white girls and web developers have in common? nobody ever compliments our back end :("