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Joke of the Day

"Shot my dog 's'mornin' Farmer: ""Shot my dog 's'mornin' Friend: ""Were he mad?"" Farmer: ""Twernt too pleased."""

"I'm such a heavy sleeper that i still wouldn't wake up even if you... shot me in the face"

"What was Bob Marley's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!"

"I've slowly replaced sex with food... and now I can't even get into my own pants."

"Whenever I start to disrobe in front of a lady; I always hand her a card that states ""A mild sense of Nausea is perfectly normal"""

"[at funeral] My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say- *casket is lowered into the ground* -he was down to earth."

"Nike just announced it will now be using robots instead of children to make shoes Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children."

"Hey morons, when in doubt, just spell it ""theiyr're."""

"Deli meats I knew a guy who was addicted to deli meats. He just couldn't quit cold turkey."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day... Teach a man to fish and he'll put you out of work."