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Joke of the Day

"To all the waiters out there: we don't get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous."

"*snail Olympics* How does it feel? ""Well it took 4 years but I finished the marathon"" And how will you prepare for it again tomorrow? ""What"""

"So I learned how to count yesterday.... It was as easy as 1, 2, 8"

"I gathered a list of ten puns yesterday. And i wanted to see if any were reasonable. So i put them all to the test to see if they would pass. No pun-in-ten-did. Edit: grammar"

"What do little piglets do on a Saturday night? Have a pigjama party!"

"My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said ""Maybe"""

"Is this your resume? ""Yep"" It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away ""Oh yes"" Welcome to UPS!"

"I just read a list of ""100 things to do before you die."" I'm surprised ""yell for help"" didn't make the list."

"I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say ""Good morning"". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed."

"If sober me won't do it...drunk me will."