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Joke of the Day

"I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say ""Good morning"". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed."

"presidents day is just a holiday created by ""Big President"" to get us to buy more presidents"

"My daydream solution to organizing my house is always arson."

"Really? ""Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"" Um...may I introduce you to pizza?"

"A husband and wife go out to eat And the waitress asks ""would you like any condiments?"" They simultaneously reply ""no thanks, we're married"""

"Thomas Jefferson's dad's name was Thomas Jefferdad. Really makes you think"

"Chimps Broke Out of Ferguson Zoo Apparently they're starting fires across town."

"Got so drunk last night that I was able to translate three Pearl Jam albums into English"

"All the dads with weekend custody are crowding up the donut shop."

"I went to a store that carried only three items It was an inconvenience store"