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Joke of the Day

"Ahhh.......I love the sounds of autumn; that old familiar crunch of Halloween candy wrappers on the floor."

"What's the difference between a penis and a vagina.. Unfortunately, in my case ... only 2 inches. :'("

"Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with ""I see the assassins have failed."""

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? In a BMW, the prick is on the inside."

"What do you call a Mustard Competition? A Compe*Dijon*"

"A man walked into a doctor's office . . . He said to the doctor: ""I've hurt my arm in several places."" The doctor said: ""Well don't go there any more."""

"CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy"

"How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but they'd have to be really small."

"Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver... the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it."

"What do old people smell like? Depends..."