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Joke of the Day

"CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy"

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"What do cats listen to during their free time? they listen to podcats."
"What was Spiderman's major in college? Web Design"
"Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket? Policeman: It was a moving violation."
"A guy walks into a bar with a gun and yelled ""Who slept with my wife?"" and in the background someone replied ""You ain't got enough bullets."""
"I had an awkward moment with my english teacher. Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction."
"What do you call a Black Jew? .....a menorah-tee."
"I'll never forget my grandfather's dying words... ""AAAAHHHH!"""
"Synonym rolls... Just like grammar used to make."
"If anyone finds 786 barely used tubes of Chapstick around my city, they're mine. I need them all back."