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Joke of the Day

"If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation."

"My newest million dollar idea involves crowdsourcing. So, who has a million dollar idea for me?"

"New Year's Eve is just a myth created by the government to sell you more years"

"What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a? Pi * z * z * a"

"*hires sky writer* I K N O W Y O U A T E T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P. I W A N T A D I V O R C E K A R E N."

"What did the prostitute say after fucking Jesus? Nailed it!"

"How did Jack grow his portfolio? He invested in beanstocks!"

"""911, what is your emergency?"" Yes I can't hear my television ""Sir, this is not an emer-"" Someone keeps screaming ""HELP ME!!"" next door"

"The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist while he chugs the last of his beer... The strange charm of a top down bottom's up"

"On toilet in a stall playin TigerWoods on phone.eagled a par5.Crowd cheered.Pretty sure guy in the next stall thought I just took epic dump"