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Joke of the Day

"*hires sky writer* I K N O W Y O U A T E T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P. I W A N T A D I V O R C E K A R E N."

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"The bright side of global warming is that 100% of our great grandchildren will own beachfront property."
"What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes? karma chameleon"
"I'm a firm believer in the phrase ""If you want something done right, do it yourself"" That's why I masturbate."
"Hillary Clinton's recent case of pneumonia just goes to show There's only one candidate who can dodge a draft."
"Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday."
"My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207..."
"Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking Friday..."
"Trump Jesus asked the Devil if he'd made a deal with Donald Trump. The Devil said they'd negotiated for a while but eventually he gave up and just let Trump buy him out."
"Just gave my husband a 3 dozen box of condoms. He laughed and called it a life time supply. I laughed and called him optimistic."