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Joke of the Day

"I once accidentally started a flash mob when I thought a spider might be on me."

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"With Jupiter ascending flopping the wachowskis are planning to quit the movie biz and going into the fast growing Mexican food business They are planning on naming their company as the Nachoskis"
"GUY #1: You free next week? GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy. GUY #1: You mean diary yeah? *cow walks by with ""dentist 11.30"" on it*"
"Leprecauns and gay guys must end up at the same places a lot."
"My wife & I got into a big fight bc she says I'm always exaggerating. I was so mad I stormed off & tripped over my dick."
"Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side."
"What do you call a slutty duck that does drugs? A quack whore."
"There are three unwritten laws of life... 1. 2. 3."
"BREAKING: wind. I have just farted terribly."
"What did 2 say to 3 about 6? Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!"