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Joke of the Day

"A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, You should've been here at 8.30!' He replies. Why? What happened at 8.30?'"

"turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven"

"There should be a specific type of doctor for being on call. They'd be called cancer-ogists ^because^cancer^doctors^are^oncologists"

"[dog park] Dog: omg I just found out I'm adopted Other Dogs: [barking in shock]"

"TIL: Every ship is equipped to be a minesweeper at least once"

"How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump."

"It met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds funny, Dozen tit?"

"What do you call an overweight Scott Walker? Scott Waddler"

"Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?"

"What do motors and the Soviet Union have in common? Commutators"