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Joke of the Day
"If you leave me a voicemail, congratulations. You've just given me the gift of anxiety."
Next Joke
 
"Babies are fucking idiots and we totally act like that's okay."
"The Benefits of Being Masochistic What doesn't kill you makes you longer"
"How do you climb a triangle? By scalene it"
"If you rape a hooker/prostitute... is that actually shoplifting?"
"Why there are so many avenues in France? Because german soldiers like to march in the shade"
"What's the similarity of the World Series and Lorde? They'll never be royals"
"I grow herbs in my bed. Bed thyme."
"Why do people ask ""What were you thinking?"" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain."
"What do you get when you finger a gypsy on her period? Your palm red for free"