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Joke of the Day

"You're pretty cocky for someone with such a small... ....vocabulary."

"What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!"

"I always use a short cut when I'm going to knife fight a midget."

"7: ""Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?"" Me: ""Are you the someone?"" 7: ""Maybe"" Holy hell."

"Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day"

"I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters."

"Me:I think I just saw the main guy from Transformers you know, ol' what's his name Friend: Shia Lebouff Me: Yeah, the one whose a truck"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture."

"To be fair, ""old-fashioned"" doesn't necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist."

"Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10? BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*"