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Joke of the Day

"*Enters $100 daily Fitbit challenge* *Pays marathon runner $20 to wear my Fitbit* *Buys $80 worth of donuts*"

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"Have you heard the joke about the Butter? I better not tell you, You Might spread it!!!"
"Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live"
"Only 2 more weeks! My wife promised me that if I kept the baby alive for a year I could get a plant!"
"A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells: ""Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"""
"When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders... When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?"
"How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool? ""Allahu Akhbarrrr"""
"Why did the hummer cross the river? For the insurance money."
"My husband doesn't find it nearly as amusing as I do, when I read all your tweets out loud to him. For 2 hours. Douche."
"Which is an Islamic trait? A.heading B.heading C.heading"
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