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Joke of the Day

"Only 2 more weeks! My wife promised me that if I kept the baby alive for a year I could get a plant!"

"Why did the tree look pissed off all the time? It had Resting Birch Face."

"What animal do you get when shake a pig? a ham-stir"

"They were having a sale at the hospital for vasectomies... It was a package deal."

"Trump would be an amazing dentist He is against anything that's not white and straight."

"I'm a heavy sleeper... Also, a heavy awaker... Okay, I'm fat."

"I was talking to my friend earlier. I thought, ""Why on earth are you called Earlier?"""

"""Hey left ball!""...""What, right ball?"" Who's the penis in betweenus?"

"Ever notice how confusing your sentence's are when you incorrectly use apostrophe's to pluralize word's? It hurt's me even to type thi's."

"What's the most annoying thing about making cheese? The curds get in the whey!"