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Joke of the Day

"Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist."

"[maybe NSFW] How can you tell that a porn star works at your local gas station? Right before he's done filling the tank he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the trunk of your car."

"So my wife discovered I keep writing ""please help me"" in the memo line of all my personal checks and now I'm not allowed to have checks."

"Why does lightning only strike the French? Because it follows the path of least resistance"

"Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion? Because he was a slave to the cistern!"

"Why cant witches get pregnant? Because ghosts have hollow-weenies! Happy halloween :)"

"When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently."

"A German is at the border to go to Poland. The officer asks him: Name? Hans Gruber. Address? 123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin Occupation? Nein, just visiting."

"Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight & the pointer keeps gliding back & forth between the H & the A. It's been over an hour."

"""Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,"" we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight."