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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me if im upset about something i should sleep on it... I told him to give it a rest."

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"Q: Why did Ariel wear seashells? A: Because she grew out of her B shells."
"Vets aren't doctors: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help? Mom: My son broke his leg! Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck."
"Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! -Amish drive by"
"Don't forget to tell everyone how you love Fridays because we were all wondering how you feel about them."
"[Wendy and the Burger King having sex] King: You like this? Wendy: I'm loving it! *the Burger King stops* King: What did you just say?"
"Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea. He said: ""who wrote this bullshit"""
"I've upped my game so now instead of buying women at the bar drinks I buy them a pony"
"How Does Moses Make His Tea? Hebrews it"
"Just made up this joke: So I wrote some fan fiction, it blows."