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Joke of the Day

"What did drunk say to the blonde? Nice ass."

"Doctor: How long have you been in pain? Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997"

"If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral."

"My new book about doing your own hair color is a total flop. I haven't sold one copy of A Guide to Dying Alone"

"Damn that lawnmower.... No matter how much I like a film, I can only give it one thumb up."

"Doctor Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry it's just a bug that's going around!"

"What is the tastiest liquid in a fruit? The IV Drip"

"Gay Marriage in China... (Joke Originally from Comedian Jeffery Ross) Why Is gay Marriage Illegal in China? NO SUBSTITUTIONS!"

"Don't play with a girl's heart she only has one play with her tits, she has two of those."

"Whoever thought up the spelling of the word ""queue"" is stueuepid."