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Joke of the Day

"If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral."

"What do you get when you play a country song backwards? You house back, your wife back, your dog back, your truck back..."

"Pigeons always look like they're jamming out to an invisible iPod."

"How do you have sex with a vegetable? Ask if they want to-mate-O."

"Burning Man Build a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"REQUIRED : A content developer. Salary commensurate with contentment"

"I like my exes suicides how I like my whiskey On the rocks."

"""Oh man, you've got stretched lobes and piercings? I've got stretched lobes and piercings, too!"" ""Sweet! We should hang out!"" - Ear buds"

"Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly [emerges from cocoon] AH WTF I'M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT"

"[Breaking] Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam... Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam."