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Joke of the Day

"Why do black guys only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream"

"What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ? Flatman and Ribbon !"

"[me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo"

"What is a double amputee's favorite video game? League of Leg ends."

"What do you call your ex-girlfriend in Maryland? Old bae."

"Spooning leads to forking But if you fork the wrong dish, you could get knifed."

"How come Rhonda Rousey had a hard time making friends when she was younger? Because she was Holm schooled."

"These pants fit like a cheap hotel... No ballroom."

"My son just walked in crying, saying he was scared as Trump won. I said, fuck off, you're 22 & British. Oh yes he replied & went to work."

"I try to teach my mom something new everyday. Because you're supposed to learn from your mistakes. Edit: Apparently a lot of you are all teaching my mother new things too. Weird."