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Joke of the Day

"Me: I grew a beard once & It actually looked just like yours. Him: Why'd you shave it off? Me: I just told you..."

"What do you call 4 lepers in a Jacuzzi? Oatmeal."

"Your fancy frankenstein cross-breed vanity dog can't breathe you obnoxious cock"

"Chief Exec: Any Ideas? Writer 1: Talking Animals! Writer 2: How about a Princess? Writer 3: Kill the parents! -Brainstorming at Disney"

"[couch shopping] Wife: Eh, you married to it? *a bead of sweat trickles down my brow as I hope she doesn't notices the couch's wedding ring*"

"Why don't boxers have sex before a fight? Because they don't like each other."

"What do you call a kitten crying on the grass in the back yard? A lawn mewer. (I wrote this yesterday)."

"It might be just me but CSI seems a little like Scooby Doo for old people."

"I touch myself when I think of you. It's a facepalm, but I am thinking of you."

"Who is the coolest guy at the hospital? The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick? The hip replacement guy."