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Joke of the Day

"Her: Oh, you brought me flowers! Me: Yes, one of the many benefits of living next door to a graveyard..."

"The birth of my own children didn't bring me half the joy many of you seem to experience when you point out my misspellings."

"Gay pickup line Shit gurl, are you a chiropractor? Cause you straighten me out."

"What do you say to a hitchhiking frog ? Hop in !"

"To Doo List: 1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri"

"At least my parents April fools joke wasn't a child. /u/ChodeologyPHD came up with this."

"What's your New Year's resolution? Mines is still 1920x1080, unfortunately."

"My first job... My first job out of college was a ""diesel fitter"" at a pantyhose factory... As they came off the line, I would hold them up and say, ""Yep, deez'll fit her!"""

"Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her."

"Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich"