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Joke of the Day

"Reading's great. You stare at stained slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly as time passes you by."

"Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed"

"My boss told me to have a good day so I went home."

"If I heard Matthew McConaughey only drank water out of a garden hose attached to the side of his house, I'd totally believe it."

"What do potheads do when they see a fire? Stop, drop, and roll"

"Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist? Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there..."

"I heard someone talking about all the potential health benefits of doing yoga, but I think it's a bit of a stretch."

"Who is the best drummer in the Beatles? It's between George, John and Paul... We all know it isn't Ringo"

"I'm like an onion When I cut myself i cry"

"what do you get when you squeeze a synagogue? Jooouice!"