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Joke of the Day

"Me: *drops toddler off at gym daycare* DC: Which room will you be working out in? Me: None of them, I just need to take a shower."

"I've realised my works is like a gang rape... a bunch of dicks clustered around the cunt that's got no idea of what's gonna happen!"

"You might as well call me New Year's Resolution... Because no one's going to do me"

"Why did the shit-kicker cross the road? To use his rich neighbor's outhouse."

"Levi's commercial idea. A man lay dead on the ground. Another man stands over him. The camera pushes in slowly on the killer's face. Levi's"

"What do you call a dog who can do magic? A labracadabrador"

"What kind of pants to Mario and Luigi wear? Denim denim denim...denim denim demin I'll see myself out now...thank you"

"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."

"Which administrative ghost is responsible for auditing all of the incoming/outgoing hauntings? The boo-keeper."

"What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance."