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Joke of the Day

"Murphy said to his daughter ""I want you home by eleven o'clock."" She said ""But Father I'm no longer a child!"" He said ""I know that's why I want you home by eleven."""

"I knew a shopaholic woman who routinely ended relationships. She couldn't pass up a good buy (good bye)."

"Life Tip: If you're ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery."

"Weed doesn't make you stupid, you were stupid before you smoked the weed."

"Someone asked me what it's like now that I'm circumcized I told them I get a little less head."

"Love in 2013 means answering each other's texts immediately."

"I've been taking something for my Kleptomania. I've been taking something for my Kleptomania"

"What is red, slimy and crawls up your leg? An abortion with home sickness."

"*voluntarily spends hours on the internet daily* neato *friend sends 5-min video to watch* do i look like im made of free time or something"

"I lost a Scrabble game today when my opponent played the word ""Clitoris"". I was amazed at how fast he found it."