117529

Joke of the Day

"Life Tip: If you're ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery."

"How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, except she scissors it in."

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""spider"" Can you use it in a sentence? ""A spider has eight eyes."" [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R"

"Do you eat to much sodium? Na."

"Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink"

"Just picked up an unknown call with a ""Hello?"" An old woman said ""Joan?"" So, I can cross ""mistaken for a Joan"" off the bucket list."

"Why are there so few gay comedians? It's hard for them to keep a straight face."

"If an Islamic man is murdered, what do you call it? A Muhommid-cide."

"The Police called to my door last night and said ""Your dog was chasing a man on a bike""... ...I said ""Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike""."

"Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets"