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Joke of the Day

"A man was about to jump off the Empire State Building... A physicist runs up to him and shouts ""Don't do it you have so much potential!"""

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"What's the Craziest Place You Ever Made Whoopee? That'd have to be in the Butt, Bob."

"A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza."

"I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I'm in prison."

"Breaking up with a Japanese girl is the worst... you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"Text ""SAVEUTAH"" to 90999 and get Gary Coleman shipped to the millions in Haiti presently living without Gary Coleman."

"Why don't pirates ever have girlfriends? Because all the women they know are hookers."

"President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to ""learn what it means to work."" May I suggest the same for members of Congress?"

"I love how we all talk about The Last Supper painting & nobody mentions that all 13 of those guys were sitting on the same side of the booth"