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Joke of the Day

"A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza."

"Caterpillars: Neither cats NOR pillars."

"Q: Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)"

"[invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] ""in a few years its gonna be really cold"" *hands them mixtape* ""you're gone need this"""

"Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order."

"what's black and white and red all over a nun with a harpoon through her"

"Last weekend I prevented a rape. It didn't take much. You can do it too. [xpost /r/TwoXChromosomes] I kept it in my pants."

"I told my pregnant girl friend that she was as big as a 747. That did not fly."

"[NSFW] What's the difference between pussy and parsley? Nobody eats parsley."

"What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ""K"" instead of ""OK""?"