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Joke of the Day

"Breaking up with a Japanese girl is the worst... you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"I keep getting emails about penis enlargement. The ones from my wife are starting to get personal, but it's the ones from my mother that really hurt."

"What's a neckbeard's favorite spread? Marm'lady"

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we care."

"Sometimes I feel a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral as in Without an ion"

"Hey baby, I heard that rabbits, can make 150 babies a year, how many do you think we can make in an hour?"

"The introduction of Yoga Pants have been found to be the cause of a 0.65 drop in the GPA of Males. I dont have significant data to back this up, But i have some notes from college that show causation."

"If someone ever intimidates you just remember that they're 70% water. *Are you afraid of water...?* Well you should be 300,000 people drown every year."

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile with my shoes....shoved up your ass."

"My doc said that I should stop smoking and drinking immediately. What does he care what I'm doing in the waiting room?"