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Joke of the Day

"cop: ""sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood"" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: ""ok that's better"""

"Sometimes if I trip on a crack I act like it's no biggie by breaking into a jog and don't stop until I'm in a new city with a new life."

"So a woman was facing a judge in court... She was on trial for beating her husband with his guitar collection. The judge then says ""First offender?"" She says ""No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"""

"A political joke for Americans I'm voting for hillary"

"[planning heist] LEADER: we can kill the alarm, but how do we get through the concrete wall? *everyone turns to look at the kool-aid man*"

"Sorry I said ""What is it?"" when you showed me your baby."

"What do termites put on their toast? Door jamb."

"For the record, riding my unicycle to the bank robbery was a terrible idea."

"[bald eagles exchanging gifts] *holds out gift* You didn't get me a toupee again, did you? -Uhh... *slowly pulls gift back*"

"What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas? Cancer."