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Joke of the Day

"One of the cooler things you can do when you die is be buried with an elephant bone, just to confuse future archaeologists."

"I'm so old I remember when teens getting pregnant meant ""PANIC!"" not ""Congratulations, you get your own MTV show!"""

"It still takes me a while before I completely trust any woman whose name is mentioned in ""Mambo No. 5""."

"It only took three beers before I could tell my kid her Barbie Dream House is in foreclosure. She's such a lightweight."

"Hey have you ever tried puppy love? Yeah but it doesn't work there assholes are too small."

"a fun prank is when ur friemd about to sit in a chair u pul the chair out from under them and replace it w/ a fancier mor comfortabal chair"

"I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I've been using them for all this time."

"How many guys in IT does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to identify that the lightbulb has indeed burned out, and one to call the maintenence man to change the lightbulb."

"What do you call a spitting vampire? Spatula."

"It might be just me but CSI seems a little like Scooby Doo for old people."