163706

Joke of the Day

"Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends."

"I'm sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv."

"So I introduced my new girlfriend to my family Everyone seemed to like her except for my wife"

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind doing a 5k but my running group is thinking of joining a 10k and I really don't like them."

"I don't understand why ISIS is such a big deal. All we have to do is parachute in Chuck Norris, and within a month they will all be dead... It can't be done faster since he fights with his bare hands."

"There are two types of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""

"My wife said she had a doctor's appointment at 2:30. I asked her if she was sure it wasn't a dentist's appointment."

"As advertised I opened a can of evaporated milk today. It was empty."

"I won't visit /r/aww Its nothing but kitty porn"