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Joke of the Day
"When a woman cooks you dinner you're either going to get laid or poisoned."
Next Joke
"I love emoji. No longer do I have to type out ""This weather is yellow face with hearts instead of eyes"""
"What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job still sucks."
"Having your 7 year old son clean the toilet is pretty entertaining. He used Pledge. In other news I just slid off the toilet, into the tub."
"When you write lyrics as bad as ""I got soul but I'm not a soldier"" it's important to repeat it exactly 10 times in a row so nobody misses it"
"Yo momma jokes are old, common and used by everyone. Just like yo momma."
"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None! ... They just beat the room for being black."
"[6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight [11:00pm] yay i did it! [11:01pm] *preheats oven*"
"What do you call a black man who flies a plane ? A pilot, of course."
"It's gonna be tough for Brad Pitt to start dating again. Everybody knows Tomb Raider sequels are terrible."