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Joke of the Day

"I love emoji. No longer do I have to type out ""This weather is yellow face with hearts instead of eyes"""

"If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ""Two seconds 'til."" After you ask, ""Two seconds 'til what?"" he roundhouse kicks you in the face."

"Why can't T-Rexs clap their hands? Because they're all dead"

"I'm not sure what the first church on the moon will look like... But I'm sure the mass will be the same."

"The best DVD feature is when the audio is so quiet during dialogue I have to crank the volume then in action scenes its so loud my pets die."

"What do you do when you're racist and all the immigrants exhaust you? You kip."

"For some reason I keep making bread puns Dough I knead to stop"

"I've been hitting the gym 2 weeks straight and haven't seen improvement. Is it because I chose Team Mystic?"

"Where do dogs shop for groceries? Wagmans."

"I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers."