73992

Joke of the Day

"Me and a buddy went to an amputee party It was crawling with pussy."

"Father, pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve, acquit, forgive me, for I have synonymed."

"Let's party like it's 1999. (Drink Bud Lights at my warehouse job with the guy on work release who had to go back to jail every night)."

"What is the center of a gay apple's life? Decor."

"My friends told me we were going for a ride and I called ""Shotgun""... ... they did'nt tell me we we're actually going for a drive-by. FML :("

"[wakes up from a 15 year coma] sweet, x files still goin strong"

"Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics."

"What did the man say when the bass was too loud for his ears? ""That megahertz"" What did the woman get in response when she asked if his ears were okay? 100 watts"

"[crumpled up paper on floor] *tries to flip it up like hacky sack* *tries to flip it up...* *tries to flip...* *tries...* *leaves it*"

"How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Taste."